Earlier, last decade, a book was published that shook the dating world called, “He’s Just Not That Into You” (Harper Collins). As described on Amazon.com, the book “educates otherwise smart women on how to tell when a guy just doesn’t like them enough, so they can stop wasting time making excuses for a dead-end relationship.”


I thought of this book recently when John, one of my client’s, shared his story with me. John consistently winds up in dead-end relationships. In fact, he often gets involved in several dead-end relationships at the same time! They unfold in pretty much the same way.

John finds a way to generate curiosity and earn trust. He’s persistent, responsive and attentive during the months that follow. Then finally, when John thinks he’s received all the right signals, he pops the question.

John is hurt when he hears “no” but the pain is greatest when he’s left hanging -when his calls go unanswered.


Why does this happen to John?

Because he has a habit of falling for the wrong mates prospects.

The wrong prospects are those that have a low probability of closing from the start. Just like a woman who forever falls for the bad-boy, or a man who focuses on looks at the sake of compatibility, John’s deals are doomed from the start because he gets involved with the wrong types.

John would do better if he was pickier about the prospects he pursues. Instead, he’s too desperate.

What John Should Do What John Does
He should strategically go after prospects at accounts that fit his desired profile. He pursues any prospect that goes into the database regardless of suitability.
He should qualify prospects out. He should look for those red-flags that warn of dead-end relationships. He gets seduced by the challenge. He believes he can sell any one.
He should proactively seek methods that increase his odds of meeting the right kind of prospect. He hangs around the same crowd – working the same list of prospects that leave him hanging.

If John listens to his gut, he knows when a prospect isn’t “the one”. But he pursues them anyway because they’re “available.” He goes into full seduction-mode to capture and build interest. It works for a while until the prospect breaks it off because John tries to take it to the next step and finds out – too late – that the prospect is Just Not That Into Him.

There are plenty of people out there that would kill to have a solution like the one John is offering. He just needs to trust his judgement and not set his sites on prospects that are out of his reach. That he can’t “close the deal” is not a reflection of his selling skills. It’s a reflection of him pursuing the wrong kind of people. As the Millionaire MatchMaker would say, John’s “picker” is off.

John just needs to re-calibrate his approach and he’ll have no problem sealing the deal.